The Guilty Pleasures Plunge of Shame

If you had asked me last year to describe my most embarrassing moment onstage, I would have told you about the time I dressed like a giant tomato to sing and dance in front of 200 kids at my church’s Vacation Bible School.

I got up to the mic to perform my duet, promptly forgot all of my words, and had to hum the entire thing, as red-faced as my costume. (Side note: The cucumber at my side is getting married this year!)

But "Humming Tomato" has been dethroned from its position of No. 1 Embarrassing Stage Story. As of March, there’s a new gut-wrenching story in town, and its name is "The Guilty Pleasures Plunge of Shame." Duh duh dumm!

Guilty Pleasures: the big annual fundraiser that Book-It Repertory Theatre (my employer) throws at Teatro ZinZanni. It's a wacky night of auction, cocktails, and skits, and even though it was my very first GP, I got to be involved in lots of ways. I designed the marketing materials:

I got to wear a ridiculous outfit:

...and then unicycle around out front to greet the guests, consisting of some of Seattle's top socialites and art patrons! (With my friend Mickey who juggled torches like it was no big thing.)

But I was most looking forward to acting in one of Book-It's skits for the performance portion of the night! I was asked to play a mousy secretary character for an adaption of It’s a Book.

A goofy little part, sure, but I was so thrilled to be sharing the stage that night with professional Seattle actors, actors I had been seeing in shows for years.

You see, once I got the marketing job at Book-It, I paused my acting track a bit. Accepting this job in graphic design was a no-brainer and I think I’m exactly where I should be, but I’m not going to say the decision was made without a fair bit of sadness as I mourned my hiatus from the stage. Ask any actor: being off the stage for too long, being without a project or a script can get under your skin. Makes you itch.

But all that aside, HERE I WAS! Cute mousy nose in place, pencil skirt looking awesome, lines totally memorized – ready to act again!

The stage was a raised circular platform, surrounded on all sides by the audience's dinner tables. I'm not in the following photo, but it shows the stage and the ramp leading up to it more clearly.

My part had me running back and forth on that ramp, each time with different props, a slightly adjusted costume. I'd run on, squeak out a line, and run off. On my second entrance I ran in to give my monkey boss his coffee, and suggesting a possible workplace romance, we flirted over the cup of coffee for a moment. When I turned to leave, my boss made a playful grab at my little gray tail, eliciting a happy, "Oh! Hehehe!" from mousy secretary as I ran back down the ramp.

My tail got pulled, the laugh from the audience was loud, my skirt didn't allow my legs much mobility, and in thrill of the moment I chose to maintain eye contact with monkey boss, looking backwards over my shoulder as I scuttled down the ramp.

And then I ran right off it.

I fell hard. My knees hit the edge on my way down and I landed headfirst into someone eating their dinner. The audience (top Seattle socialites, remember?) who had been mid-laugh, now drew a sharp, vocalized breath in unison, "HuuuOH!" There was dead silence for a moment and then the woman I had fallen into asked, "Are you ok?" I stood up, knees shaking, and forced myself to look out at all of those horrified faces.

Oh right! Still acting acting acting what should I do do do do oh worst moment of my life life life life just beam me up Scotty oh God God why have you forsaaaaaken me my knees hurt bad bad bad bad and everybody's still staring at me-"SQUEAK!"

Yup, that was my great cover. Mousy secretary fell off the stage, stood up and squeaked. Everybody laughed, probably relieved that I hadn't died, and I took my real exit, more gingerly this time.

Adrenaline kept me going and I didn't even feel my knees begin to throb until afterwards.

There's nothing like a good 'ol stage accident to bring you back down to earth. Miss Hotshot Gets to Act with Big Seattle Actors AND Ride a 5ft Unicycle took a break for the night. I looked around for her later on, but I think she went home. On an unrelated note, the humble pie served for dessert was delicious.

All Guilty Pleasures photos by Alan Alabastro Photography.